she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
