:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
