Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We were destined to go to rehab together
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
