My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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