It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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