I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
