I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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