That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
