i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
