It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
