In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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