A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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