i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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