The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
