According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
