So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
