My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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