remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
