I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
