was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
