I wannas sexs uuuuu
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
two words...techno handjob
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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