I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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