apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
