I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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