White coat. Heels.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
