I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
