I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
