we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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