Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
