i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I want a musical about memes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
