Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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