no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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