Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
