i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
