Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
