Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he thought i was a dude.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry my hands just texted you
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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