TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
