he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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