4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
be right there i have to get my cape
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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