he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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