i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
