i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
