went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
