Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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