Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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