i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
