Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
