I wish I could teleport
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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