why didn't you poke me back
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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