I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize