New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
