Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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