Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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