just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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