Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize