Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
