I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
