dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
