Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
