Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
